Coffee with Savannah

Reason, Season or Lifetime

I’ve decided that this blog will have to do with Friendship and the people who come and go in our lives. Someone sent me this email awhile back and the words seem so true. I’d like to share that email with you and then say
a few more things about it...

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime...
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are...
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
Love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant...

I’d like you all to think about those words. I’m pretty sure if you go through the list of those who have come into your life, those who have left or those you’re still friends with, these words hold oh so true. I know they do for me. The person who sent me that email has come and gone a few times from my life over the past nine years. I remember when I got that email from him, I responded by saying that we’ve already known each other longer than a season, know each other for many reasons and that I hoped to be friends for a lifetime...I guess maybe that’s not the way it’s supposed to be.

There have been so many people who have come into my life. Some for a short time (a season) some for lengthy periods (a reason) and some are still hangin' around!

There is another person who I truly miss. I met him on the internet under some of the oddest circumstances, LOL. But we became fast friends. He was having problems with the woman he was in a relationship with and I was having problems in my marriage...and NO, we never dated or anything else. But this person became a rock for me during that period of my life. He made me laugh, see things in a different light and had infinite words of wisdom.

The day I was moving into my apartment after deciding to end a 21 year marriage, he called but I wasn’t there. He left me a message on my answering machine and when I listened to it, I cried. The words of support and caring were something I really needed that day. I will remember for the rest of my life that voice message and what it meant to me.

Our friendship grew...we chatted or talked by phone every day. He would call every morning at 9:00a.m. just to "check in". He called at 2:00 a.m. when he was "after Christmas" shopping at Wal-mart. Man, how we laughed. He was also the person I called crying at 3:00 a.m. when some guy decided to break up with me at one point.

Over time, even this relationship/friendship changed. We stopped talking, emailing and chatting. I know we both had things going on, but again I’ve often wondered, "what happened"? How does someone who means so much to you and is so important, just slip away? Did we just stop needing each other? Did we both grow up? Or worse, just grow apart?

I understand I have a hand in this too. We still chat or email occasionally, but no where near like it was and I really do miss him A LOT...

I think we both just had other things going on in our lives and somehow we let those things take precedence over our friendship. It’s sad how I let that happen, that I let such an important person be placed on a back burner. I wish there was some way to fix what changed. To go back to the way we were. But maybe our reason or season had come to an end. Maybe all we’ll have from this point forward is the occasional chat to catch up a little and say Hi.

If you noticed, these both were male friends. Yes, that IS possible. A person’s gender has nothing to do with their ability to be a good friend. I can go on and on with stories about these two men. How they have helped me and been there for me,
just as I have for them...but...maybe another time...

Then there’s "The Girls". You know, the ones that have been there through everything. During different times in my life there have been different friends. Again, circumstances and people change. Life happens. But the past 17 years or so have brought several women into my life. I should mention here that they range in age from 30 to 49 years old. All these women are in my life for different reasons. One is my "burgers and beers" friend, who I love to death, another is my "Penelope" she is irreplaceable, another keeps me "grounded" and there are so many others. These are the girls who make me smile, laugh, cry, mad, etc...the ones who keep my life going. They are the ones who know things about me that no one else does...the ones who at times I wish didn’t know so much, lol. Women who with a single word or phrase can either make me laugh until I pee my pants or feel like I wanna crawl in a hole and hide. I actually had that happen last night...

My good friend called on her way home from work to tell me of something that happened at work. It reminded me of very good times that I spent with her. I laughed soooooooo hard. Then as we kept going down the path of memory lane, she said a single name...yeah...something that never should have happened…but again, that’s what friends are for right? To remind us of things past, to keep us in line, to love us no matter what.

I don’t get to see these women very often since I moved, but we keep in contact... some daily, some weekly...but we keep in CONTACT, that’s the important thing! I’ve decided that I "need" to make more time to see them and hopefully they can do the same. I miss them. I don’t want any more friends on the back burner. Life is short, so I want to make the most of it. I want to visit these women and laugh until I pee my pants...I love them all...

Then there’s the "Internet" friends...

Ahhhhhh, the "Internet" friends! I wonder how many of you out there believe that you can develop a deep seeded friendship with someone you have never met? I believe you can!

I have experienced this first hand. Although these on-line friendships are different, I believe they can be just as strong but in a very different way. You can honestly care about these people as if you just "saw" them yesterday. Let me say here and now, you have to also be VERY careful about who is out there, not everyone is honest to say the least. But when you find those truly honest, wonderful people they can become an important friend in your life.

I have met some amazing people on-line over the past few years. As I mentioned earlier, about "the guys" I had met them both via the internet, but yet had the great pleasure of also meeting them in person and getting to hang out with them. I know, that takes it to a different level, lol. I have chatted and emailed with quite a number of people for years.

Two of the most important women in my life, Robin & Dawn, I have also met through the internet. But like most women, we also burn up the phone lines, lol. Robin and I get on the phone and we usually talk until one of our phones die! Dawn and I try to talk as often as we can. But even though the three of us have never met in person, they are seriously two of my best friends, more like my sisters. Sometimes, we even tend to forget we haven’t met in person, because we are that close.

The sad thing about on-line friendships is the fact that if something happens to one of these people, how would you ever know? Most people don’t tell everyone about who they chat with or email to. It’s almost like a secret little community, lol. If something happens with one of my "girls"...well you know how that is, the phone starts ringing off the hook. Good news travels fast, but bad news travels faster. We can immediately go there and be with the person in need....that’s what friends do. But the on-line world is different, that’s not always an option.

About 8 years ago I had met a wonderful man on-line. His name was Chuck and he and his family lived in Minnesota. He was happily married for 24 years and had 3 sons he was very proud of. We emailed and chatted daily and even talked on the phone a few times. He was just a very sweet man. I looked forward to his silly emails and sometimes not-so-funny jokes that he would send me. About 7 years ago I noticed I wasn’t getting any emails from him. I left him a few off lines saying I hoped everything was ok and just figured he got busy with his family or work....life happens. A couple of weeks went by and I still didn’t hear anything from him. I thought it was weird but hey, everyone gets busy right?—even me.

  Then one day when I got home from work I made myself some coffee and sat down to check my emails. In my inbox there was an email from a sender I didn’t recognize, however, in the subject it said "About Dad". Now normally I don’t open these emails as you never know about viruses, etc…but that one bothered me...I opened it.

It was from Chuck’s son. It was very short, but to the point. It read like this... " I was going through my Dad’s things today and came across your email address on a piece of paper in my Dad’s desk. I thought you would like to know, my Dad was killed in a car accident 2 weeks ago."...that’s all it said. I swear it felt as if someone had hit me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me. I just sat there in disbelief and cried...yes, I cried. I can’t even explain now, how I felt getting that email. In a way I’m thankful that his son found my email address otherwise I never would have known. I was surprised by the loss I felt over a person I never "met". Yet I knew so much about him and his family...he shared pictures with me...it was just like "knowing" him.

Thank you all for being my friends. Whether you’re someone I’ve known for years or someone I’ve only emailed or chatted with a short time, please know that you are all very special to me and it’s been my honor to get to know you. Time is precious and life is short. Think about the friends in your life and tell them what they mean to you. You never know when the phone might stop ringing, the emails coming or the chats ending...

Try to think of these people as the diamond’s in your life...they’re rare jewels and should be kept in a special and safe place. The perfect place may just be your heart.

To all the internet friends, I hope to be able to meet more of you in the future! You can never have too many friends. One of life's greatest blessings is being able to pick and choose, the people we want to surround ourselves with. The ones you want to call family. Friendship really is a garden. It grows and blooms in miraculous ways. However it still needs tending, you can never just take it for granted. So fill it with sunshine, laughter and love. Sometimes it'll be watered with tears, but even those will help it grow.

Hugs to all of you & thank you for being my friend :)