When it comes to Valentine’s Day it is all about the message. I wonder what the recipients of the following cards thought…
“I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her”
“He had such a worm heart”
A collection of men’s thoughts on their women
I Love Her But……
… every so often, boom! she’s a brunette. Or I come home to a
redhead. Actually, I have no idea what her natural color is.
… she’ll brush her teeth but she won’t go to the dentist. She
says she’s not afraid of the pain, she just doesn’t want to put
herself in the hands of any fellow who’d choose to be a dentist.
… she’s stopped shaving her legs. She says that now people will
know she’s a natural blonde.
… she takes her half of the bed out of the middle.
… it annoys her that our children look like me.
… counting my wife and our teenage girls, that’s four women.
Somebody’s always got PMS.
… with five kids, I don’t have time to complain about my wife.
I don’t have time to notice her.
The Washington Post asked readers to come up with inept romantic sentiments
for Valentine’s Day:
Your kisses are sweeter than wine, but without the paper bag.
I am irrationally exuberant for you in the third quarter of my fiscal life, with rising indicators.
My love for you runs hotter than a ’74 Nova with a V-8 engine and a busted water pump.
Darling, you make me as hot as those hand dryers in a turnpike restroom.
If we were cockroaches, I’d want to have all 456,845 of your children.
A man went to the mall this last week to buy Valentines’ cards for
his daughter and mother. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of
cards astounded him. He muttered out loud, “I wonder if they have anything for ex-wives.”
The clerk behind the counter said, “Oh, yes sir, they do have an
‘ex’ category, but they’re in Sporting Goods.”
“Yes sir. They’re called darts.”
Happy Valentine’s Day!