Laugh It Up Tuesday!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Being a Mom is a tough job and sometimes you need to laugh, just to get through the day J

 

Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day
With little time to stop and pray
For life's been anything but calm
Since You called on me to be a mom
Running errands, matching socks
Building dreams with building blocks
Cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes
And other stuff that children lose
Fitting lids on bottled bugs
Wiping tears and giving hugs
A stack of last weeks mail to read
So where's the quiet time I need?
Yet when I steal a minute, Lord
Just at the sink or ironing board
To ask the blessings of Your grace
I see then, in my small one's face
That you have blessed me
All the while
And I stop to kiss
That precious smile

Mother's Dictionary of Meanings
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.

Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-Minute Warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar-grunting noises.

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Child Sent to Bed
A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"

Things Mom Would Never Say

·         "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

·         "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"

·         "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"

·         "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"

·         "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"

·         "Well, if Rahul's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me."

·         "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."

·         "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"

·         "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

Happy Mother’s Day!